the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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