help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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