I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
