you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
