I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
