My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
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