garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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