fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
How external is "for external use only"?
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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