Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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