Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
