it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
