when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
