Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Randomize
