his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I want to fling myself into the sun
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
