I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
