So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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