i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
