there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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