im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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