as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
