i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future�
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
what the fuck happened to the tacos
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
