I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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