Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
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