WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
