I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
