I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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