Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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