how can u be prego again
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
