After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
