Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
