Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
