I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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