People in love make me want to vomit
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
