Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Randomize
