but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
