My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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