drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
she pinky promised me she was 18
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
