Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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