i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
