yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
