so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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