I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
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