Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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