trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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