before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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