Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
