1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Randomize
