my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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