So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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