I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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