I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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