a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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