My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
the raccoons are back...
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