She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
